Riding the carpet bareback, It's the only way.

Welp, I'm still alive. Kinda happy that I'm alive, and I dont mean that in any morbid or sadistic sense. It's fucking good to be alive, and be an American. I'm gonna try to recap on the entire Goa trip. A lot happened, and this blog is for me. And only me, but you can enjoy if you like. First off, my grammar isnt horrible, I"m dyslexic. I often leave words out of sentences, and when I proofread my emails/blogs/facebook posts i read two thoughts ahead of the sentence I am scanning(not reading), and I always seem to fuck it up. Well fuck it. I talk ass backwards half of the time. Rot gut caught up with me. I took the Cyppro tonight. My stomach was fucked, has been for a few days, but it didnt slow me down, but some guy at a bathroom in Baga Beach is pissed, or shall I say not happy that I sprayed shit all over the way. Maybe it's my gift to India, a way of saying thanks for the piss ass. There was no need to thank them, because they know, oh they know. Besides, it was a fucking accident and no turds or turd water got on me or my clothes. Score for me.

Let's see. At the Indian airports you dont walk to your terminal, or walk outside onto steps onto a plane. They put you on a bus, and the bus takes for to the other side of the tarmac, where you get on the plane. Our plane was Kingfischer Air, which is bigger than Budweiser here and they dont serve beer. We arrive at the plane, and it has props and looks like something repainted from the 1940's or a prop from the set of an Indiana Jones film. This thing was like a roller coaster ride, and I kept laughing way too loud every time the plane dipped. After telling the stewdardess that I love her, we arrive in Goa. It's been hot in Hyderabad, but it was just as hot, with hella humidity. Sweat central, I'm talking swamp ass dumpy drawers. Our cab driver from the airport to the hotel stops in the middle of nowhere to unload some trash, I thought we were fucked, and this is where I was going to die. Im alive. A life insurance conference rave was going on at our hotel, and everyone was completely shit faced. Falling down drunk everywhere. We had a few drinks and called it a night, since we worked that morning, so I had been up since 6:45. The first day we get dropped off at the beach, and we rent bikes. Greg gets a motorcycle and me a scooter. The dude we got them from didnt take our names, just our hotel room number, and asked if we had a license. I never answered if I had a license. The dude had something growing in his road rash, it was green and yellow and he shook my hand anyways. I almost killed these people while they were trying to enjoy their lunch. Not on purpose, on the bike. Driving a bike in India is insane and awesome. We went to Baga Beach, and I set up a tattoo appointment. The guys asked if I could leave them a deposit. I said sure, but I got hella serious with them and told them if they were not there when I came for my appointment that I would throw a brick through their window, and they said funny joke, and I let them know I wasnt kidding. This was shitty of me, but I expected to lose this money, because you dont just give people money in return for something a few days later, especially in a 3rd world country. The beach in Goa is something serious. One of the most beautiful places I have ever been to on the planet. Lots of laid back Indian folk, a good amount of English and Australian tourists with some sketchy Russians mixed in. Why are they sketchy? Keep reading and find out. The beach had a two or three thousand people there, but it didnt seem crowded, and some places were remote. All of my friends who previously came to Goa told me to go to Planet Goa, so we found this place.

Planet Goa is a beach shack that we went to everyday that had good music, awesome seafood, cheap beer, and excellent service all in the sand. Paradise for dirt cheap. I was sweating the entire time, and didnt like the hagglers, but man what a view. I couldnt stop saying "I'm in India, the other side of the world and this is paradise" Just like everyone told me, if you ever make it to India, you have to make it to Goa. It will change your life. Plus, I love the beach. Planet Goa is run by the "DON", well a large man named Joe who looked like Christopher Wallace aka The Notorious B.I.G. It's like they say, mo money mo problems. Dude has hella good people working for him, and some of the best shrimp and fish ever. Feni drinks galore. All the dogs in India are skinny as fuck, but Planet Goa had 8-10 of the fattest/laziest dogs I have ever seen that enjoy rice and left overs all day long.

After the first day at the beach, we go back to the hotel and jump in the pool. I say hello to this guy at the bar at the pool while ordering a drink, and he is shit faced and speaking only Russian. No problem. I look at his arm, and he has serious fucking road rash all down the backside of his arm, and his girlfriend's leg looks like it prolly is going to get gang green because she used the road as cheese grater on one of her legs. All of a sudden Greg says, look what I found and points to the bar that is in the pool, and what do you know, a coke sack is laying on the bar, and I say what the fuck, and we both start laughing. Immediately at this point I step on something, and I say, hey I found some old ladies glasses and pull them up with my feet, and they are Greg's glasses that he didnt even know he lost in the pool. I saved his life at the very moment that he let the Russian dude know that his coke sack got soaked in the pool. I'm glad the bartender didnt think it was ours. A few days later we were in the pool, and that guy left and almost fell in the bar, and over a few chairs. His buddy paid, but he took the money. The bartender came back, and said "that guy is HIGH" we got a good laugh.

Jessie arrived Thursday night. I was too drunk/hungover to do anything. Drinking in the sun all day'll getcha. Friday we went to some fort with a lighthouse which was a good hour ride on the scooters. I got sunburned like a mother fucker, because I was wearing a tank top. Hauling ass on a scooter, passing cows and an elephant. Went to Anjuna beach, which had the most amazing view. We chatted it up with some Welsch couple, and he told me about his two tattoos from Two Thumbs Tommy in the 50's from Singapore. Found out about the volcano that might fuck my ride home. Instead of going over Iceland or Europe, we got straight over Santa Clause's house at the North Pole. I'd like to say hello, but the only way is if we crash, and I'm sure the crew of the plane would sacrifice me to a polar bear before we even found Ole Kris Kringles slave shop. We went back to Planet Goa, I ended up with a shell necklace that I"m going to wear everyday until it breaks. It sucks, and I dont give a fuck. Saturday we hung out all day at the hotel, because it was too hot, so we went to the beach for the sunset and drank til late on the beach at Planet Goa. Learned a lot about the area from a few people, and got wasted.

Sunday, leaving day, or shall I say the best and worst decision of 2010. I got tattoo'd at a shop I wouldnt step foot inside if I was in America. The dudes were so nice, and did not wear shoes. Hello hepatitis, but I got my shots before I left, so I'm ok, for now at least. The guys used fresh needles, and brand new tubes, but I was still sketched out. The front door of the shop had a picture of Eminem from his album cover of him showing off his tribal tats and his tat of Haley. Also, on the wall were many people's tattoos that were not tattoo'd at this place. The guys took pics of all of my tattoos and told me they would print them, and put them on their wall for me to see next time I came. So, they can tell all their clients that all of the retarded ones I have were done at their shop. Now, my expectations were low going into this, but I feel that it came out decent, and by that, I mean a lil better than ok. HAHAHA, it still sucks and rules and I got ripped off on the price, but, oh well. I knew it was all bad when the chair was taken, and we almost got started with us on the floor. Dude then takes out what he shows me to be a new straight razor out of carboard box and says "see, clean" and then shaves my leg. Well, he sliced me the fuck open. I'm like, god damn it, but I'm only going through with this, because Nate Martin and I pussied out on getting Bobsled tattoos in the Bahamas. This was sketchier times 1000. The dudes were too nice, and we had a bunch of weird conversations. I apologized for threatening them that I would throw a brick through their window if they fucked me on my money, and they said no worries. They kept saying, "if you have good mind, you make good tattoo" Words of wisdom. The convos got on a weird tip, and they were telling me that they dont do cross tattoos, because it's a bad omen or something. The last one they did the woman did not pay for, and her next tattoo got hella infected. And they dont do tattoos of any religous things on your heart,chest, or back because the gods wont like it. Then, they explained to me why beautiful Goa is screwed in two to three years. The Russians. The locals hate the Russians, and the English have come in fewer number due to the Russians selling drugs and women and strong arming the locals. And it gives a lot of local people money, but in the bad way, and it makes people crazy and violent. Communist India, think about it. This is fucked, because India has very little crime. Well, Hyderabad and Goa have little crime. I cant speak for the larger cities. Greg and Jessie arrived at the shop, and one of the guys yelled "YEA MAN, YOU DONT PAY FOR PUSSY" Too funny. Deccan Chargers are in the semi finals. So, with all this said, I got a tattoo in India, and I'm probably gooder than dead. See ya on the other side with my man on a flying carpet with a lighning bolt necklace and a turbine with OK SIR on the bottom of the carpet. I know, Rusty, you're an idiot. I feel so bad for you.

My long weekend in Goa was very relaxing. I wish I could stay there forevor. If I could hook up a job with enough money to live on, I would stay there for a season, or a year. It is that awesome. I dont need much to survive, and fuck that place is just too awesome. I cant describe how amazing it is. Everyone should travel here, its a paradise lost in a shit hole. Boats almost running over each other, shipping lanes with tankers to your left, palm trees and cliffs and postcard views of everything to your right. I dont have any pics, but this guy has some, but none from Goa yet.

jaythroughglass.blogspot.com

Less than ten days left in India. I'll be living at the Hollywood house when I get home. Bike rides in the cool summer air, and baseball games everyday.